When Taikoubou Comes Out of the Closet
by Kit-Kat2
Summary: Poor Fugen tries to get Taikoubou to realize his true feelings... but he's just clueless. Shounen ai, of course, but NO YAOI


Author's Note: I don't own characters from Senkaiden Houshin Engi (though I desparately wish I owned Taikoubou) and I don't own Eminem's song "Cleaning Out My Closet" and all that other stuff. Yeah, so just get on to reading this strange little fic.  
  
Shinkhoyo - Welcome back again to "When Taikoubou Comes out of the Closet". Tonight, he actually comes out of the closet. Observe.  
  
Taikoubou - *opens the door* Ah! There's the doorknob!  
  
*theme song blares out of nowhere, startling poor Bou-chan*  
  
I said I'm sorry, Fugen  
I never meant to hurt you  
I never meant to make you yell  
But today, I figured out that I'm gay  
  
~~~***~~~  
  
Fugen - *is sitting on a park bench, looking around, and eying nervously a pretty girl checking him out*  
  
Girl - *comes up* Hey there, Blue  
  
Fugen - ... ... ... *blush* *blush*  
  
Girl - What's the matter? I won't bite *scoots closer and starts making out with him passionately*  
  
Fugen - O_____O;;; AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! *shoves her away and runs off*  
  
Girl - Geez, was my breath that bad?  
  
Taikoubou - *running through the streets like a maniac and bumps into a panicked Fugen* Oh hey, there you are!  
  
Fugen - *pant* *pant* X_X Taikoubou... Where have you been?  
  
Taikoubou - I was coming out of the closet  
  
Fugen - Oh? What sort of closet?  
  
Taikoubou - You know, the sort of closets that have doors that open and close, and it's all dark inside so you can't see the doorknob. So once you're inside, you can't find your way out. Yeah, those type of closets.  
  
Fugen - Oh, so you literally were stuck in a closet?  
  
Taikoubou - Uh, yeah? What other kind of closet could I come out of?  
  
Fugen - I don't know... Maybe the closet of truth?  
  
Taikoubou - I came out of the closet of coats. How can there be a closet of truth?  
  
Fugen - Well, what I meant is, isn't there something you should confess?  
  
Taikoubou - Nani?  
  
Fugen - Yeah, something you have to say?  
  
Taikoubou - Ummm... I like peaches?  
  
Fugen - No, Taikoubou! Please, tell me what I want to hear.  
  
Taikoubou - Let's go fishing!  
  
Fugen - X_x; Uh, sure, why not?  
  
Taikoubou - ^___^ Yay-yay. Taikoubou love fishing  
  
Fugen - What else do you love, Taikoubou?  
  
Taikoubou - Hmmmm.... Peaches!  
  
Fugen - *sighs* Anything else?  
  
Taikoubou - Not that I know of  
  
Fugen - *sighs deeply* Taikoubou... Why won't you just admit it?  
  
Taikoubou - Admit what?  
  
Fugen - That we're... you know  
  
Taikoubou - No, I don't know.  
  
Fugen - O___O You DON'T!?  
  
Taikoubou - Well, if you're talking about us being friends, THAT I know  
  
Fugen - But... haven't you ever thought of me more than just a friend...?  
  
Taikoubou - Uh, you mean like, best friends?  
  
Fugen - X_x; *sarcastically* Yes, that's exactly what I meant  
  
Taikoubou - ^_^ Yay! Let's go fishing now  
  
Fugen - But I have to-  
  
Taikoubou - *grabs him and drags him to a fishing hole* ^______^ *hums Batman theme* Fishing, nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Fishing...  
  
Fugen - -_-;;; Taikoubou, we need to talk  
  
Taikoubou - I'm all ears. Well, except for the fact I'm not all ears. I only have two ears, after all. Unless you count this thing on my head as ears.  
  
Fugen - *thinks to himself* Note to self: Remember exactly why I'm in love with this baka  
  
Taikoubou - Nani?  
  
Fugen - ^^;;;; Did I say something out loud?  
  
Taikoubou - *shrugs and casts his rod out*  
  
Fugen - Taikoubou... *blushes* What do you think of me?  
  
Taikoubou - I think you're very nice  
  
Fugen - Uhhhh... anything else?  
  
Taikoubou - Your hair is blue.  
  
Fugen - That all?  
  
Taikoubou - Your hair is nice.  
  
Fugen - ^^ Thanks, Taikoubou  
  
Both - ... ... ...  
  
Fugen - Have you ever been in love, Taikoubou?  
  
Taikoubou - I loved my mama and my dadda  
  
Fugen - Well, have you ever been IN love?  
  
Taikoubou - *thinks* I don't know. What's it feel like?  
  
Fugen - ^-^ It feels all warm and fuzzy inside. When you're with the person you're in love with, you feel so blissful, and you wanna be with the person forever and ever. Everytime you look at the person, you wanna hug the object of your love real tight.  
  
Taikoubou - ^-^ Sounds like a teddy bear  
  
Fugen - -_-;;; That's not exactly what I meant...  
  
Taikoubou - Hey, is that how you feel about the person you're in love with, Fugen?  
  
Fugen - ^-^ Yeah...  
  
Taikoubou - ^___^ You must be in love with Suupuushan then!  
  
Fugen - o_______o;;;;;;;;;;;;  
  
Taikoubou - I'll be sure to tell him! He'll be so flattered!  
  
Fugen - Please... don't...  
  
Taikoubou - Oh come on! You gotta admit your true feelings. If you don't tell the person you're in love with that you love him, then how will you ever start anything?  
  
Fugen - O___O WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO?!!!!!  
  
Taikoubou - Ohhhhh... I see now! You want ME to tell him!  
  
Fugen - X______X;;;;; No... That's not it at all...  
  
Taikoubou - So you don't wanna tell Suupuushan you're in love with him?  
  
Fugen - I'm NOT in love with him  
  
Taikoubou - What a shame. It would've been very cute  
  
Fugen - O__o He's a SPIRITUAL BEAST  
  
Taikoubou - Correction: He's a hippo  
  
Fugen - I'm in love with someone else, Taikoubou  
  
Taikoubou - Who?  
  
Fugen - Well... erm... *squirms*  
  
Taikoubou - Nanimo? You got a wedgie or something? It's OK if you wanna pick it. I'm your friend, and I won't care.  
  
Fugen - *sighs* Are you gay, Taikoubou?  
  
Taikoubou - Gay? Me? Yeah, I'm pretty happy ^___^ Because I get to go fishing with my best bud and eat peaches and get drunk  
  
Fugen - No, I mean, are you gay? As in... queer?  
  
Taikoubou - People do say I'm a bit odd. Yeah sure, I ate grass once, but that was only ONCE!  
  
Fugen - That's not what I meant. What I meant was- You ate grass?  
  
Taikoubou - Yeah. I was really really hungry  
  
Fugen - Well, anyway, do you like guys?  
  
Taikoubou - Hm? You wanna have a guy's night out? Sure then!  
  
Fugen - *can't take it anymore* DO YOU LOvE ME!?  
  
Taikoubou - ... ... ... Love you?  
  
Fugen - *explodes* YES! LOVE ME! LOVE ME! I LOVE YOU, TAIKOUBOU! NOW, TELL ME IF YOU'RE GAY OR STRAIGHT!!!  
  
Taikoubou - ...Wow. That sure is a lot to take in. Um... I love you too?  
  
Fugen - ^____^ That's all I wanted to hear *embraces him*  
  
Taikoubou - Can't... breathe... *notices he had caught a bite* Hey! *rod slips out of his grasp and into the river* No! *jumps out of Fugen's hold into the river after the fishing rod*  
  
Fugen - NOOOOO!  
  
Taikoubou - *comes out and shakes himself off like a dog* Chikusho. It got away. Oh well.  
  
Fugen - Are you OK?  
  
Taikoubou - Yeah, as long as I still have my peaches. *Fugen clears throat* And you!  
  
Fugen - ^___^ Thank you, Taikoubou. At last, I have been able to come out of the closet  
  
Taikoubou - Hey me too! Is it just me, or did my closet smell like mothballs?  
  
~~~***~~~  
  
Shinkhoyo - So as you see, Taikoubou had been able to physically and mentally come out of the closet. He lived happily ever after  
  
Audience - Hey! We wanna know what happens next!  
  
Shinkhoyo - Ummm... he realized he was straight and fell in love with Dakki, then figured out he was bi so fell in love with Youzen and Nataku's mama. End of story  
  
Audience - *throws peaches at the demon*  
  
Shinkhoyo - All right, he fell in love with the author of this messed-up fic, and she already is an obsessed maniac so they lived happily ever after *disappears before anyone can throw anything else*  
  
~~~***~~~  
  
  
  
O_o My first shounen ai fic. Can you believe how twisted it came out? Oh well, review if you wish 


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